On Wellness

In the last 50 years people have become increasingly disillusioned with orthodoxy. The large monotheistic religions, the hierarchical state, even traditional martial arts have seen a steady crumbling of faith and blind adherence. While I think that overall this is a very positive development it has left many spiritual people feeling a bit adrift. The first step forward should be developing a daily routine to ground ourselves and get in touch with a sense of the universe. I call this a Personal Unifying Practice and it provides the foundation for much of what I teach.

A PUP should be eclectic, diverse, and ever evolving. It needs to start with some quiet time or meditation and then include anything that increases awareness, center, compassion or Joy. Bits of Tai Chi, dance, yoga, Chi Gong, and martial exercises will all work. Later it can expand to include traditional exercise, self defense, playing music, drawing, or any other creative pursuit. I hope that the wellness community moves toward helping people design their own unique practice that draws from multiple traditions. If everyone spent 30-40 minutes a day in their own ever evolving art we would all be a lot more joyful.

Sometimes I wonder how many teachers in what’s become known as the wellness or human potential movement notice that the people who most need their skills are frequently those who are least able to access them. Temple of the Circus Monkey and Desert Monkey Dojo are my very small attempt to answer that concern. I am pleased that my classes are extremely inexpensive and that the bulk of my teaching is done in random spaces. I teach martial arts to people who would never enter a dojo and meditation to those who might be unwelcome in a temple. If your practice is dependent on a quiet beautiful space your practice is way too limited.

All practices should include a strong theme of ego deprivation and this had better start with the teacher. Alas this is not always the case. Tradition glorification, greed, and teachers drinking their own bath water don’t lead to wellness, they lead to new orthodoxy and more disillusioned practitioners.

Saor Alba, Vaya Con Dios, and Viva la Revolucion!

Full Speedo Ahead

So here’s a quick question; When exactly did naked male flesh get to be yucky or bad?  Why are grown-ass adults reduced to giggly school children when a guy wears shorts above his fucking knee?  When I was a kid way back in the dark ages men used to wear shorts to play sports.  We even wore bathing suits and (gasp) speedos.  We showed our thighs.  Are those days gone forever?

As long as I’m on the subject why is a speedo synonymous with gay?  Why don’t women think seeing the outline of a penis is hot?  Has sexual repression really advanced that far?  How about we grow the fuck up about sexuality.  You know, like we used to be.

Humans should find human flesh to be attractive.  Sexual repression and the demonization of heterosexual urges by both the left and right disgusts me. Sexual mutilation, fat shaming, rape and whole host of other abominations start with body shaming.  Mortification of the flesh is an age old practice that should be rejected by modern sensibilities.

When the revolution comes I’ll be wearing a kilt.  Duh.  But at the post  revolution pool party I’ll be rocking a shiny speedo.  Saor Alba, Vaya Con Dios, and Viva la Revolucion!

A Good Old-fashioned Rant

If you want to catch a free animal you need to use a trap that closes very quickly or very slowly. In the first case they’re caught because freedom disappears more quickly than they can react. In the second fredom disappears so slowly that they never realize the threat exists until it’s too late. If you do it gently enough they might not even fight back. For us free humans the slow trap is just about closed.

I know, I’m just another libertarian type screaming hysterically about the loss of freedom. Go ahead, ignore me. I’m sure you’ll make a very good serf. You’ll be comfortable and safe enough, you just won’t get to have any independence or privacy. Go back to your idiotic super hero movies and you’re fucking video games. Oh, someone’s still here? Do you want to see the trap? Here’s a quick glimpse of some of the links in the chain you’re helping them build…

One of the hallmarks of a free man is the ability to move. To go someplace else, anywhere else, for no damn reason. That era is long past if you’re talking about international travel and it’s about to end domestically too. To many of us the car, or the blessed motorcycle, is the very symbol of freedom. I can strap in, buy some gas, and go anyplace. Anonymously. No ticket. No passport. Just go. That’s ending. GPS, on board computer systems, self driving cars, the mommy state and bullshit eco-laws are ending the era of free anonymous movement. Most new cars can be tracked and shut down remotely. Some European countries have vowed to get rid of human driven cars in the next decade. You know, for safety. You don’t know it yet, but you’re even about to lose the right to even ‘own’ your personal vehicle. Or most anything else.

Ah yes, private property, the very foundation of freedom. This is mine and I can do with it what I like. Not so much. Go buy a piece of land and see how many permits you need to do anything or try to drive your new car without permission and licenses. But I’m not even talking about those things. I’m talking about whether you actually own the car at all. Very quietly a consortium of car manufacturers and software companies are getting the laws changed so that you don’t own the code in the thing that you bought, and everything has code. Strangely enough John Deere is leading the way. You might say ‘so what’ but you’d be wrong. If they win, and they will, you will no longer have the right to modify or repair ‘your’ property at all. Doing so will lead to mandatory jail sentences for copyright infringement or intellectual property crimes. And guess what? Everything has code. Want to add your own software or turn off the GPS or microphone on you phone? Nope, you’ll go to jail. Even though you supposedly ‘bought it’. Speaking of which…

Part of private property is the right to buy shit anonymously. To do that we use money. It works. We don’t owe our souls to the company store anymore. However the powers that be hate cash. It can’t be traced easily. You can buy guns, hookers and cocaine with it. Or motorcycle parts. So guess what? Cash is going away. More and more you have to use cards or an app on your fucking phone. I tried to order a pizza last night and couldn’t because I wanted to pay for it with actual money. None of the delivery places let you do that anymore. Trust me, you’re really going to miss dollar bills when they’re gone, you can’t make private sales, and everything you buy is traceable.

Once there’s no cash, no anonymous travel, and damn little private property you’ll find that you have no privacy left. Computer and phone technology is stealing your personal life so fast I don’t even know where to begin. Alexa, get the fuck out of my life, And I haven’t even mentioned that police of every kind piss all over your 4th Amendment rights every day. To enforce the LAW.

We are a nation of laws. Millions and millions of laws. Every one of us breaks a number of them every day. Our founding fathers knew that laws only work well when they’re applied evenly. It’s why we blindfold Justice. Yea well, that bus left. None of us believe that the rich and poor have the law applied equally. A District Attorney in New York recently decided he wouldn’t prosecute illegal aliens for many crimes so they couldn’t be deported. That’s right, he decided that American citizens should go to jail and illegal aliens shouldn’t even if they committed the exact same crime. And he’s still the DA. Hell, why is still out of jail himself? Or alive?

Once you start talking about laws you have to begin to think about who gets to make them. Do you? Does Monsanto? You know the answer to that. Laws, for the most part, now serve the needs of corporations and the rich. Not you. And certainly not the Constitution. The power to make laws is important because the groups that have it also have the power to put you in a cage whenever they feel like it. Fact is the US puts more people in cages for more reasons than any other civilization known to history. Exactly how does this make us the land of the free?

Even if you do manage to stay out of a cage you still can be controlled by piling debt on your back. Back to the company store again. And if you don’t pay your debts guess what happens? Prison. Put all these things together and you are now a serf. What you can do, who you can see, and how you live your life are now effectively under the complete control of the Governcorp or the Corporament or whatever you want to call this unholy alliance. It’s their way or prison, they’re always watching, and you’re letting it happen.

We’ve been told that our enemies are a different color, a different religion, a different sexual orientation, a different party, oh fuck, just different. These aren’t our enemies and they sure as hell aren’t the Governcorp’s enemies either. You know who is the ‘enemy of the people’ is according to these power hungry ass-monkeys? A biker with a gun, some training, a pocket full of cash and a thirst for joy. Shit. That’d be me. Saor Alba, Vaya con Dios, & Viva la Revolucion.

Work Smarter AND Harder

I’m back and feeling ever so much better. Thanks for asking. Of course I’ve spent some time thinking but we’ll get to that later. You know what I did for the most of the last few weeks? I trained. Hard. And played the same way.

A few weeks ago I was asked to take part in a panel discussion. The subjet is irrelevant to this post so I won’t distract you with a lot of details. Suffice it to say that it involved a number of people who were accomplished in their chosen field and they took questions. Regardless of the raised issue it soon became apparent that the answer, when not specific or technical, was almost always some version of WORK HARDER.

Okay, so here comes the old man rant. You know what almost always helps you get better at something? Hard work. Not more technology. Not fancier training methods. Not clever short cuts. Just plain old fashioned nose to the grindstone, sweat producing practice. I can hear millennials bailing out of this post by the hundreds.

Work smarter, not harder.” “Get real results fast.” “Twenty minutes a day will reap amazing results.” No, you lazy fuck, it won’t. Do you want to be a great musician? Practice for hours every day. Serious about martial arts? Train your forms constantly. Want to get in great shape? Plan your days around the gym. Interested in a spiritual pursuit? Work work work at it.

Talent is nice if you have it. Dedication and faith are useful. A good teacher or 12 can certainly help smooth the way. Good tools can be fun or make you look cool. But only hard work over a long long time will give you mastery. Not easy. Not sexy. Definitely not profitable. Probably full of tears and injury. But true. If you want to be better, work harder. And if anyone tells you differently they’re lying. And they probably suck at what they do. Saor Alba, Vaya con Dios, & Viva la Revolucion.

A Question for the Ladies

In the last few years there’s been a lot of talk about whether the younger generation of men are giant snowflake wussies. For the most part that’s true but it’s not what I wanted to discuss here. I wanted to ask a slightly different question, one which will undoubtedly get me into all kinds of trouble. Why are the women who make up the equal rights movement such monumental fucking cowards?

Do you know what courageous warriors do? They fight actual fucking enemies. Do you know what bullshit whiny feminists in America do? They put on vagina costumes and march around in a country where they already have most everything they want. Are the USA and Western Europe perfect in how they treat women? No of course not. Is it the best place in the world to be a woman in all of recorded history. Easily. Women can vote, drive, own property, work, have sex, and are legally protected in all of those things. The simple fact is that, when asked, the women out protesting for rights can’t actually name a specific thing they want changed. Oh, they’ll rant about attitudes or platitudes and maybe wave a clever sign about abortion but there isn’t a single law or policy that actually discriminates.

This would be comical if it weren’t for the millions of women who have to wear bags and are beaten to death for being raped. Oh wait, that’s not a problem for the sisterhood? Why the fuck not? You want to help women? Demand that the West stop dealing with Islamic countries. Boycott any company that does business in Dubai. That shit works, ask South Africa.

At every march we hear a whole lot about girl power. Okay, use it. Fight a real foe. Go after Islam and Christianity. Go after every patriarchal religion that teaches that women are lesser. Show solidarity by burning head scarves, not wearing them, dumbass. You see, I’m a true radical. I believe ALL people are equal in the sight of the universe. Apparently that’s too tough for you girls. I guess you just don’t dress like pussies. Saor Alba, Vaya con Dios, & Viva la Revolucion. Or, in this case, not.

Micro Misery, New and Improved!

In the last post I tried to address the giant miasma of misery that has settled over our country, it’s politics, and it’s government. I suggested that we break up and settle into a bunch of smaller, like-minded countries. Too bad that even if it happened you’d likely still be miserable. After all, our entire economy and way of life fucking depends on it.

American wealth is largely built on our ability to sell each other crap, We give a lot of bullshit lip service to being a Christian nation but in reality we worship the great and petty god Commerce. Shopping centers are our temple and Amazon is our Lourdes. To be American is to Consume and in order to know what to Consume we have Holy Advertisers and Marketers. How many ads do you see/hear in a day? Hundreds, thousands, maybe more. Every company, in fact our entire economy, needs you to buy their products. And guess what? The very best way to accomplish that is to make you feel terrible about yourself. If you don’t think you’re a miserable piece of shit our whole world tumbles around us like a house of coupons.

You aren’t good enough. Your clothes are ugly and outdated. Your hygiene is even worse. Your breath and body stink. If you just had a new Iphone or a BMW you might be worth something, you colossal waste of space. Think about it. Every single god damned day you’re bombarded with the same message, both subliminally and explicitly. You suck. You need products to make you less loathsome. If you don’t buy something you’ll be miserable.

A hundred years or so ago a company couldn’t sell any more floor cleaner. In a fit of genius they invented halitosis and sold their floor cleaner as ‘mouthwash’ to an insecure populace. Today that’s known as the Listerine Effect. True Story. Now the whole economy relies on your misery and so it insults you a hundred times an hour. To be happier on a macro level we need to disconnect from each other and stop worshiping government power. On a micro level we need to disconnect from advertisers and stop worshiping Commerce. That’s why we need to Saor Alba, Vaya con Dios, & Viva la Revolucion.

Grow the Fuck Up

Ok, get ready for a rant. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. Have you been punched in the nose? You know, smacked right in the head. It hurts. It’s not the end of the world but it causes pain. The sensitive nerves in your face get bent out of shape and send urgent distress messages to your little pea brain and OUCH. You know what doesn’t hurt? Words.

You, yes you, are a seething pile of refuse, a scum sucking, thundering cockturtle. The world is sadder place for your presence you mouth breathing cuntwaffle. Now let’s do a quick inventory. Any nerves firing? Are you bleeding? Bones broken or joints sprained? I didn’t think so. You aren’t fucking hurt. Oh, your ‘feelings’ are hurt. So what. Are you 3? While I’m clearly being a bit silly my point is a serious one. We’ve been lied to in an absolutely ridiculous way and it’s doing terrible harm to our freedom. Words don’t hurt adults. We aren’t that weak.

How many times have you seen it? The FB meme or ad that says words are weapons. A poor victim claiming their life is fucked up because somebody said mean things. Grown ass adults claiming to be bullied because another adult used a bad word. Really? Over the last few years there’s been a consistent attempt to convince the populace that being offended matters and that words can do harm. It simply isn’t true. Hate speech and anti-bullying campaigns are thinly veiled attempts to kill free expression and you pussies are buying it. How about you all grow the fuck up?

I want to be crystal clear here. I’m not talking about the wee ones. Young humans are sensitive and growing up is hard. Adults, especially care givers, should be careful about what they say. This isn’t rocket science. Children gain responsibility and independence as they grow. That’s why we have age requirements to drive and vote and shit. They should also learn context and toughen the fuck up. If you’re over 18, act like it. Asshats. Saor Alba, Vaya con Dios, & Viva la Revolucion.

Why are you so Angry?

I know I use this blog to rant and rave about all kinds of things. It’s therapeutic and fun but I’m not actually that pissed off. Truth be told I’m kind of an old hippy. I’m much more Don Cornelius wishing you “Peace, Love and Soul” than Don King. It’s from this place that I pose the following question: What in the hell is everyone so mad about?

Nope, not a rhetorical question. Everybody everywhere is angry. At everything. Look at politics. There were furious demonstrations and calls for our new president’s impeachment less than 24 hours after he took office. The left, taking a break from preaching tolerance, hate this guy. Kind of like good Christians hated the last guy. Everybody hates Congress. Um, didn’t you all just finish voting for these guys?

A whole lot of conservative people here seem pissed off at Muslims which is strange because Muslims hate gay people, just like some of them do. Then, to further complicate the situation, liberal women are furious about the treatment of Muslims even though Muslims mostly want to take all their rights away. Black people are way pissed at white people. Women are enraged at men. It goes on and on. Why?

Much of this anger seems to be badly misplaced. America ain’t perfect but when it comes right down to it there isn’t a much more tolerant, diverse place on Earth. Why in the hell are women so pissed off at us when Saudi Arabia treats them like shit? Sure, our civil rights history isn’t perfect but I don’t see the relationship between the places we need to do better and the amount of rage it produces.

Politics is the most obvious but anger seems to be everywhere. The environmental movement is preaching a rage filled doom. Music is full anger and so are the movies. The news media has turned into a 24 hour outrage producing machine. I just don’t get it.

Not to be contrary but the fact is things aren’t really that bad. As a society we treat minorities and women more equally than we ever have in history. The environment is way the fuck better than it was 50 or even 100 years ago. Standards of living are pretty decent. Yes the government is fucked but it always has been and likely always will be. Perhaps, as the Buddha said, the problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude.

To sum it up, the world is pretty good but you’re an asshole. How about we we stop and take a breath or two. Maybe let’s focus on some good things. Let’s see what we can agree upon. Let’s all work really hard on fixing our anger problem and the other problems might get quite a bit better. See, I told you I was a hippy. Saor Alba, Vaya con Dios, & Viva la Revolucion.

The Keyboard of Evil

I have seen the face of evil and it has no face. Why doesn’t it have a face? Because evil is a cowardly little fuck who hides behind the anonymity of a keyboard and an internet connection. If evil were brave enough to show it’s face it would likely get it’s pussy little ass kicked. Evil is not be feared, only loathed and dismissed for the lily livered pond scum it is.

Do you want to know evil? It isn’t hard to find. Look under the comments section of just about every fucking post on the web. No matter what you’re doing some chicken shit little putz will criticize and insult you. Actually, you don’t even have to do that. Evil has it’s own website. It’s called Twitter. The entire collected courage of every Twitter commentator is roughly equal to that of a single kitten on vacuum day.

What is good about humans? We do shit. We create. We make music and art and dance. We write stuff down and tell stories. We teach each other. We try so damn hard to touch the sacred. At our best we are liken unto Gods, creating both transcendence and math out of thin air. When I get discouraged I frequently opine that humans are nothing but hairless monkeys with guns. True enough, I suppose, but guns are cool, complicated and beautiful so even in that we are creators. And creation is Good.

So what’s Evil? Evil is criticizing or breaking down those who are trying to do good. Evil is racism and misogyny and other random hatreds that keep people from marshaling the courage to create something better. Evil is destruction and mostly what you find on the internet.

I teach. I also get things wrong. I revel in those errors. I encourage every student to point out anything that seems incorrect to them. That’s how I learn. That’s not evil, it’s growth, and it takes courage on everyone’s part. I also post things on the web and nearly every time I do a bunch of tiny dicked little trolls living in their parents basement tell me I suck. Not actual criticisms or reasonable questions about why I do it that way. Just insults. It so bad and utterly pointless that I refuse to go on Twitter and I have an office person to manage all my posts. I have literally never seen my You-tube videos or read the comments of a single blog post. I have no time for cowards.

Yes, cowards. Faceless, nameless, spineless little weasels that just want to hurt anyone trying to create because their own skill set is so heart achingly pathetic. Not one of these little scum puppies would have the balls to stand in front of me and say anything like what they so bravely type into their cheese puff stained Apple keyboard. The English language does not contain the words to adequately communicate the depth of my contempt and loathing for these subhuman mouth breathers. Hell isn’t a place, it’s their continued existence.

I’ve mostly used my own experiences in this piece but there are literally millions of others who could have written it. A woman with an opinion usually gets rape threats and any woman who posts a picture gets a hundred comments on her weight. Libs rip Cons. Everybody gets called Hitler. It’s a cesspool of Evil. There’s a great Peter Cook/Dudley Moore movie called Bedazzled. In it Satan just annoys people. He scratches records and makes parking meters run out. These days Satan is even pettier. He has a Twitter account. Saor Alba, Vaya con Dios, & Viva la Revolucion.

Your Phone Won’t Help

Earlier this week I made some observations about cell phones. You know, how they’re cool and everything buy also suck up all your humanity and capacity for joy. I also mentioned in passing that they make you a giant fucking victim. I thought I’d expound on that a bit.

Way back in the old days the world used to be a fairly dangerous place. You know, tigers and bears and shit that would eat you. This tended to mean that most people paid pretty close attention to what was around them. Head up, eyes open, ears engaged. Basic awareness kind of stuff. All of the idjits that failed to do so found themselves being gutted by wildebeests or something. It meant that only the reasonably aware got to fuck and have mini mes. Today we’re the descendants of all the people who paid attention and mostly we’re throwing that shit away. The Netherlands just announced that they’re going to start installing walk/don’t walk signs on the fucking ground because so many mutant mother fuckers were getting hit by cars while staring at their phones. Jesus H Christ, what the hell happened to us?

You’ve seen it. The street scene with nearly every god damned person staring into their palm as they move through the world. Hell, for all I know you’re one of them. Not quite human anymore but not really evolved into anything else either. Don’t do it. Put the phone DOWN and look UP. There’s literally a whole giant reality out there.

Do you know what’s part of that huge thing called reality? Threats. Cars. Trucks. Dogs. And mostly Human predators. They love seeing people walking around without paying a lick of attention. They call these people victims, and so do I. Here’s a little thought experiment. Imagine an attacker is standing in front of you. Of course you don’t see or hear him because you’re on Tinder trying to find someone to fuck. Now let’s say he politely let’s you know he’s there and even allows you to dial 911 before he robs or rapes your ass. How exactly is that phone, or the nice policeman on the other end of the line, going to save you?

The absolute worst of this shit is people who drive incredibly powerful machines at high speed without paying any fucking attention. I hate these people. Not metaphorically, I literally hate them. I’m a biker and you selfish fucktards kill my kind every day and one of you will likely kill me. When you get in the car put your fucking phone away and drive. One of these days I’m going to interpret your texting as a specific threat to my life and put a .357 bullet in your fucking head in self defense.

I always know what’s around me. I never wear earphones in public or even at the gym. I’m never on the phone while I walk through the world. You shouldn’t do these things either. Of course the easiest way to accomplish this would be to release tigers everywhere. Since that probably won’t happen let’s hope Darwinism works out some other way to once again reward awareness. Saor Alba, Vaya con Dios, & Viva la Revolucion.