Before I launch into my rant I think it’s prudent to point out context. Sexual assault is heinous. I can hardly be called a feminist but a man who takes intimacy that hasn’t been offered is loathsome to me, deserves violence and I don’t really give a shit about the context. I’ve done rape counselling and taught rape prevention for 15+ years, usually for free. I’ve physically intervened when men were being overly aggressive and have escorted women home or back to their hotel rooms if they’ve over imbibed, been drugged, or fear going alone. This is one of the few issues I take very fucking seriously and I’m sure most, if not all, women would agree with me. So I’m not kidding when I ask the following question: Why is sexually assaulting me okay?
I wear a kilt. A lot. Most of the time, even. I like kilts. They’re comfortable and provide great ease of movement. Almost every time I wear one I’m assaulted by a woman. I have had dozens of women I didn’t know reach under my kilt and grab my ass or balls. I’ve come home from a night out with bruises. I know men who own kilts and won’t wear them because they’ve been repeatedly mauled. There are a number of Scottish themed restaurants that have had to stop having waiters wear kilts because their female patrons would not stop grabbing the servers dick. Why is this okay? What would happen if I lifted your dress and inserted a finger in the middle of Fremont St?
The physical assaults, while common, are nothing compared to the verbal ones. Literally thousands of women have come up to me and demanded to know what I’m wearing under my kilt. Really? Do you have panties on? Are they sexy and lacy? What color are they? If I asked them the same questions the police would likely become involved. In fact if I behaved like they do I’d have a sexual predator tag next to my name. But you know, it’s all in good fun. Besides, I didn’t have pants on so I was asking for it, right?
You know what the worst part is? The attitude. After the experiences I’ve had with rape survivors it is fucking disgusting to hear the exact same justifications offered in the exact same words from a middle aged housewife. “It’s just little grab.” “Well, I’ve been drinking.” “Chill out, we’re all just having a good time.” “Oh, I didn’t know you were a prude.” “You wish I was assaulting you.” “You probably liked it.” “What did you expect, wearing that?” Just once I’d like to grab them back, but that would probably mean jail time. My regular response now is to loudly say “Fuck you, cunt” every time it happens.
I admit that I’m not the sensitive type and it hasn’t really caused me any psychic damage. It doesn’t scare me because I certainly have the skills to keep from being dragged off and raped. If I’d never worn a kilt I might even find it funny. But consider that my wife is usually standing next to me. That can’t be too fun. It’s happened repeatedly when I’m with my kids or the young children of a friend. Does that seem reasonable?
The saddest part of this whole thing is that it’s made me a little less sympathetic towards rape victims. I was guilty of the belief that men were more predatory and less empathetic. I viewed sexual assault as a male issue but now I realize that it’s a human issue. The main difference seems to be that, when confronted, a woman can fight back but a man can’t.
As a culture we’ve come a very long way toward not blaming a woman for being the victim of assault. I know we still have a ways to go, but when does the same consideration begin to extend to the other half of the population? I’m not going to hold my breath. I always remember the words of Nietzsche: “Slaves don’t want to be free, slaves want to own slaves.” Or in this case: “Women don’t want to stop assaults, they want to be the assaulter.” So congratulations, women. Equality! You’re every bit as evil as men. Actually more so. Because lots of us men think it’s a problem and I haven’t yet met a woman who apologized.