It’s the Fourth of July, a long weekend granted to me by the giant corporation I work for so that I may celebrate the founding of my country. I got up and packed the gun it’s illegal for me to carry on my illegally modified motorcycle. I went to Safeway, where it was illegal to sell me some cigars because they have a prescription drug counter. I bought some groceries but it was illegal for them to put them in a plastic bag. I met some friends at a public park where it was illegal to bring my dog, and about 10,000 other things. I wanted to go on the swings but it was illegal unless accompanied by a minor. Oh well, at least we could have a picnic, right?
It was a so called ‘spare the air day’ so it was illegal to barbecue. We wanted to crack a beer but it was illegal to drink alcohol. We wanted to have a celebratory cigar, but smoking was illegal too. And of course we couldn’t have a joint either. As evening set in we wanted to set off some fireworks, but they were illegal. We finally decided to go to McDonald’s but the kids couldn’t get a happy meal because the toys were illegal. On the way we drove through a sobriety checkpoint and had to prove to the authorities I was sober before being allowed to continue home. I dropped a friend off in Livermore, but had to drive through another police checkpoint and prove that I owned the car and was a legal citizen. He was living with his partner, who he can’t legally marry. Another friend had to be dropped off at the airport where she had to be sexually molested by the TSA before being allowed to use the ticket she bought.
I finally made it home after being given a ticket for driving faster than some policeman thought was safe. Today I go back to work, where I have to take my regular drug test and turn in my credit report so I’m eligible to get promoted. Boy, it sure was fun to celebrate our Independence and Freedom.
Every fucking example in this story is true. Pissed off yet? Probably not, but that’s okay, you’re safe, right? God damned sheeple. Fine, just quit pretending that we live in a free country. We don’t. We currently live in a rapidly evolving third world shit hole police state. Maybe some day we’ll declare our Independence and throw off the yoke of tyranny. I’ve heard rumors of a document that can be used for just such a thing. Vaya con Dios and Viva la Revolucion.